Dan the Bland
Meeting new people is always a good thing. More often than not, you’ll meet these new potential companions through mutual friends. On most occasions, your mutual friend will introduce you to others in a standard fashion.
“Oh, by the way, everyone, this is my friend [insert your name here].”
Then you all exchange pleasantries and go on your adventure together, right? This is how most mutual friend introductions work. Fairly common. No surprises, no tricks.
However, there are certain times when your friend will, for whatever reason, totally talk you up to their friends before you meet them. For example, if your friend believes you sing well, they might say something like, “Guys, this is my buddy Jennibob. She is an amazing singer!” Or if you’re a dancer, they might say, “DUDES, you HAVE to check out my friend’s dance moves. He dances with the grace of a swan and the speed of a ninja, it’s AWESOME!”
In my case, it looks something like this:
“GUYS! This is my friend Dan! He is hilarious! The things he says…GOLD! PURE GOLD! So intense and handsome!”
I may have embellished it a little bit. But for the most part, it’s accurate. (Hint: The “Pure Gold” part was not the embellished part. I’m not kidding.) I like being complimented as much as the next person does…but not in a “I’m just meeting you for the first time” setting. Because now there are expectations. Sure, I don’t have to fulfill them, but I feel like I do. There have been times when I’ve been introduced this way to a group of people, and occasionally I catch them watching me as the day goes on…like they’re expecting me to do or say something spectacularly hilarious. It makes me feel like I’m on the effing Discovery Channel!
No worries, though. There’s a simple solution to this to prevent future mishaps like that. If there ever comes a time when you’re introducing me to someone new, give them something like this:
”Oh yeah, this is my friend Dan…He’s a fairly plain guy. In fact, we call him ‘Dan the Bland’.”
Honestly, it’s much better for me to be introduced this way. Because on certain days, I just feel like being a quiet guy. It doesn’t mean I’m sad or angry. I just don’t feel like talking too much. OR I’m eating, and I’m trying to maintain ninja focus on my food. Seriously guys, if we don’t know each other that well, don’t talk to me while I’m eating. I will get upset.
That way, if your friend notices I’m being fairly quiet and bobbing my head to music only I can hear in my head, then they’ll think to themselves, “Hmmmm…he’s being relatively plain right now in a bobblehead fashion. That’s cool.”
BUT, if I actually do or say something funny, then it’ll catch them off-guard. Then they’ll be impressed that such a plain guy like Dan the Bland has a few tricks up his sleeves, even while wearing a sleeveless shirt! How fun!
On a very unrelated note, this is post #199 on tumblr. Time sure goes by when you’re attempting to have fun while looking at all your friends’ reblogs. So for post #200, I’ve decided to let YOU decide what the subject matter will be! That’s right, the 4 of you who actually read my posts, you get to choose what I yap about. And I will be as honest as I possibly can, I promise. So…examples of subjects might be:
1) My stance on butt sex
2) Why I’m taking so long to post the original songs I’ve written
3) Girls I’ve had crushes on
4) How I feel about the Watergate Scandal
5) Why I keep making so many damn lists on tumblr
6) The sadness I feel because I can’t grow a full beard
Or whatever you feel like. Is this my cry for attention on tumblr? You bet your sweet, voluptuous ass it is! Because I am sick of getting excited about tumblr messages that actually turn out being spam!
Otherwise, Post #200 will be a video of a flashmob dancing to “Don’t Want to Go Home” by Jason Derulo. Which I actually don’t mind posting either.
