The One Thing Missing in my Life (Post #201)
Oops.
I just realized that last post was #200.
Anyway, due to popular demand from Ray and Allen Mark, we shall discuss the depression caused by the inability to grow a proper full beard. Ladies, there are some of you who can’t grow a beard/already have a full beard, so you won’t know what I’m talking about. Not being able to grow a proper beard as a man is the emotional equivalent of being a woman who cannot naturally get bigger boobs. It won’t really ruin our lives, but we still overreact that we don’t have it.
When I used to notice my female friends look longingly at their bodies in the mirror with disappointment, I never understood it. But then I realized…it’s the same when I look at my face in the mirror and stare longingly at my goatee! Oh, the pain! And because tumblr is the #1 outlet for emotional trauma for tween girls, I’ve chosen to exercise my right to ranting as well.
But first, let’s see two examples of handsome men whose handsomeness becomes more apparent thanks to their handsome beards.
“Yes, ladies, you may touch my beard…I mean the one on my face.”
I’m fairly certain Justin is looking in a mirror admiring himself with a beard.
Like…I know I’d look great with a full beard. While most men fantasize about being with the perfect woman (or, at the very least, a gorgeously hot woman), I fantasize about how much better my life would be if I could grow a full beard. I imagine all the compliments I’d get, all the phone numbers that would shower upon me, all the alcohol I wouldn’t be carded for. Alas, they are only dreams…
I used to just trim my armpit hairs and paste them on my face. But then that started to get itchy, so that had to stop. I also thought about getting hair plugs surgically implanted into my cheeks. But I don’t have that kind of money. Especially with the new Zelda 3DS coming out on Black Friday.
So what are my options now? Either hope that I hit puberty some more by the time I turn 27…OR I save my current beard shavings in a bag and paste THAT on my face at a later time. Because at the rate I’m going, I’ll have to take some desperate measures to grow a nice beard. People with full beards don’t realize how lucky they are.
Side note: One of my friends wanted to know my stance on butt sex. Personally, I don’t think I’d be into it. Mainly because poo comes out of that hole. And thinking about that bums me out.
