I Love-Hate Drinking

Consuming alcohol always gives me mixed feelings.

Some days, I love alcohol.

It keeps me warm during the cold winter nights (especially if you have whiskey).
It’s a good stress reliever (in moderation, obviously).
If you have red wine while sitting by a fire place while listening to Kina Grannis or Norah Jones, you look like one classy motherfucker! Or…if you’re like me…you sip on red wine while looking at a picture of a fireplace because your household doesn’t have one.
It makes shitty people less shitty the more you drink it. I speak from personal experience; I hate certain people less the more I drink. Don’t sit at your computer judging me. You know it’s true. PLEASE NOTE: I didn’t say I love them more; I said I hate them less. There is a big difference.
It makes me love my loved ones even more. I mean…I love them when I’m totally sober. But when I’m drinking, goodness GRACIOUS, you’d better be ready for lots of hugs (and potential spooning).
If the night goes right, I get to play detective when I wake up in the morning. I’ve solved many cases, such as “The Case of the Missing Pants” or “The Mystery of the Bleeding Leg Wound”. Fun times for whatever age you are!
It makes any food taste incredible. Any food tastes like it was heaven-sent under the influence of alcohol. Hate Taco Bell? No problem! *glug* Think that Jack in the Box sucks? *glug* PROBLEM SOLVED!

However…other days, I’m fairly certain I hate alcohol.

It can make some really cool people turn shitty the more they drink it. For whatever reason, the anger they’ve been holding in to maintain their “cool mannerism” gets unleashed. I assume it’s because the filter in their brain turns off when it’s drowned in rum/vodka/whiskey/beer/wine coolers. But that’s just a theory.
When people who are known over-analyzers drink too much, their mouths don’t stop seeping out verbal diarrhea. Once again, the filter in the brain who usually says, “Hey, maybe you shouldn’t talk so much about that thing no one cares about. It might bum people out” suddenly vanishes under the influence of alcohol. As a result, the happiness in the surrounding area is totally destroyed. Sad times.
One doesn’t feel pain when consuming enough alcohol. Kinda like when you get the Star Power-Up in Super Mario, you just keep going, regardless of the obstacles in your path. This is bad. Specifically because when you wake up in the morning and see the gashes in your face and body…you WILL feel all of that and not remember how it happened.
It makes any food taste incredible. It is NEVER a good idea to get drunk before eating at a nice restaurant or having a delicious meal. A good meal is one of the few things that I like remembering in my life, and it’s hard to do so if the brain refuses to imprint the memory correctly. Since everything tastes great while drunk, then you can’t appreciate the meal. Bummer Town.

Despite this list, it’s important for us to remember one thing.

Drinking is ALWAYS great in good company. No matter what.

Eat, drink, and be merry, my friends. You deserve it.
Be safe this Christmas, you crazy bastards!